I'm not sure I'm ready for this. Wait, that's not true. I AM ready for this, I'm just a little afraid of the change it will mean for us.
I have not been a stay-at-home mom for a long time, nearly 12 years. I think I've done this working-mom thing a little backward. Most women would probably choose to stay home when their kids were little, then work once their kiddies began leaving home. I began working/attending school when my youngest was in kindergarten. Now he is 18, a senior in high school, and I have been forced, by my health, to take a break from work.
But I'm not unhappy about it. I think it took my body screaming at me to do this because my silly stubborn brain wouldn't accept that it was okay for me to slow down, even necessary for me to do so. Everyone tells you, "Take care of yourself." Well, that is what I am doing. I am taking care of myself, because if I don't, I won't be any good to anyone. I know that.
Years ago, a wise friend said, "Make your home a haven for your husband." As a young bride, I must admit, I bristled a bit at that. I thought, "What about me? Why do I have to do all the work at home?" Now that I have been out in the working world, I realize and appreciate so much the diversity of our roles. I am looking forward to making our home a haven for both of us, and for our children.
Sheri Dew wrote, "We may not be the first generation of sisters to be influenced by the world, but we have got to be the last. We've just got to be the last. It is high time for us to arise and have the influence God intended us to have. It is high time for us to lead the women of the world. It is high time for us to model the distinctiveness and happiness that set true followers of Jesus Christ apart."
I don't know much about being a 'leader of the women of the world,' but I am happy to lead in my own little sphere, if leading means being true to our hearts and homes. I expect that will look different for different women. But for all of us, we can follow inspiration to know what is best for ourselves and our families. And that is what I am doing. The adventure begins ...
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
A difficult one to answer
Another one: List the situations that always make you cry.
I don't cry easily. Maybe that's because I spent so much time crying in jr. high school that I got it all out then ... maybe. Or maybe it's because I try to have a positive outlook on life and crying just doesn't seem to jive with that, so I don't let myself cry. Take your pick.
But there are a few situations that always make me cry, besides watching the ending to "Mary Poppins" with Julie Andrews.
I cry when I realize I've hurt people, and that there is nothing I can do to make it better or take the hurt back. But then, besides sociopaths, of course, doesn't everybody cry when they realize that?
You know, I really can't think of something else that makes me cry. Oh, wait ... I just did. Loss. Loss makes me cry, though as a matter of course the tears will not hit me until days or even weeks after the event. And then usually only when I am alone.
I cry for my children sometimes, but then, what mother doesn't?
I sometimes cry when I am afraid or uncertain, but more often than not I just feel afraid or uncertain and want to cry.
I guess that's about it. I really don't cry easily, do I?
I don't cry easily. Maybe that's because I spent so much time crying in jr. high school that I got it all out then ... maybe. Or maybe it's because I try to have a positive outlook on life and crying just doesn't seem to jive with that, so I don't let myself cry. Take your pick.
But there are a few situations that always make me cry, besides watching the ending to "Mary Poppins" with Julie Andrews.
I cry when I realize I've hurt people, and that there is nothing I can do to make it better or take the hurt back. But then, besides sociopaths, of course, doesn't everybody cry when they realize that?
You know, I really can't think of something else that makes me cry. Oh, wait ... I just did. Loss. Loss makes me cry, though as a matter of course the tears will not hit me until days or even weeks after the event. And then usually only when I am alone.
I cry for my children sometimes, but then, what mother doesn't?
I sometimes cry when I am afraid or uncertain, but more often than not I just feel afraid or uncertain and want to cry.
I guess that's about it. I really don't cry easily, do I?
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
new things around here
So, yes, it has been nearly an entire summer and I have not written a word. Not one. And there is a reason for this: because I have been a complete slug for over two months. Okay, not a complete slug - I did manage to get to the gym, keep the laundry done, and occasionally cook dinner. But other than that, I have done very little. All those home improvement projects I was going to accomplish like cleaning out the garage and basement and painting the rest of the rooms in my house? I have done Nada. Zilch. NOTHING.
I'm trying to remember where all the time went. Oh, yeah ... facebook. And researching new cars. Here is what we got:
Isn't it pretty? I can't wait to take it down to southern Utah. CAN'T WAIT.
I'm trying to remember where all the time went. Oh, yeah ... facebook. And researching new cars. Here is what we got:
Isn't it pretty? I can't wait to take it down to southern Utah. CAN'T WAIT.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Another list
List all the things you've made or built by hand:
Not much.
No, really. I am NOT a particularly handy person. I am more into maintenance, as in cleaning. Now, that I can do. My bathroom is pretty spotless -- ALL THE TIME. I also like mowing the lawn. It's such a feeling of satisfaction to get something in order where the effect lasts more than 2 hours. Ironing is also pleasant, especially during General Conference.
But put something together? Hmmm ... I've just recently learned in a more concrete way than I knew before that I'm not a process-oriented person (vs. being a results-oriented person), so maybe that explains why I little enjoy making or building practically anything.
BUT, I have made or built a few things, so I will list them here:
1. SANTAS! I painted some AWESOME Santa Claus figures that I put out every Christmas. Granted, I didn't do this on my own -- I attended a RS class where everyone was painting them -- but I did do the work and I am proud of it.
2. THE DRESS: I sewed an awesome dress for DD when she was about 9. It was beautiful, with a tulle underskirt sewn in to make the dress nice and poofy - just like a princess would wear. DD only wore it once, as she said the dress was itchy (gee, could that have been due to the tulle rubbing against her little legs?), so I let a neighbor borrow the dress for her daughter. I then promptly forgot about the dress until about 5 years later. When I asked said neighbor if she still had it, she said she had given it away to a family member. I am sad we don't have that dress to pass down in the family.
3. CURTAINS: I made most of the curtains in our old house, as well as a shower curtain and sink skirt. And all because my darling brother-in-law, who is a designer, told me, "You can do it." And I did. I've never forgotten the power of those words on me.
I think that's about it. I'm sure I could think of more if I sat here long enough, but it's time to go mow the lawn.
Not much.
No, really. I am NOT a particularly handy person. I am more into maintenance, as in cleaning. Now, that I can do. My bathroom is pretty spotless -- ALL THE TIME. I also like mowing the lawn. It's such a feeling of satisfaction to get something in order where the effect lasts more than 2 hours. Ironing is also pleasant, especially during General Conference.
But put something together? Hmmm ... I've just recently learned in a more concrete way than I knew before that I'm not a process-oriented person (vs. being a results-oriented person), so maybe that explains why I little enjoy making or building practically anything.
BUT, I have made or built a few things, so I will list them here:
1. SANTAS! I painted some AWESOME Santa Claus figures that I put out every Christmas. Granted, I didn't do this on my own -- I attended a RS class where everyone was painting them -- but I did do the work and I am proud of it.
2. THE DRESS: I sewed an awesome dress for DD when she was about 9. It was beautiful, with a tulle underskirt sewn in to make the dress nice and poofy - just like a princess would wear. DD only wore it once, as she said the dress was itchy (gee, could that have been due to the tulle rubbing against her little legs?), so I let a neighbor borrow the dress for her daughter. I then promptly forgot about the dress until about 5 years later. When I asked said neighbor if she still had it, she said she had given it away to a family member. I am sad we don't have that dress to pass down in the family.
3. CURTAINS: I made most of the curtains in our old house, as well as a shower curtain and sink skirt. And all because my darling brother-in-law, who is a designer, told me, "You can do it." And I did. I've never forgotten the power of those words on me.
I think that's about it. I'm sure I could think of more if I sat here long enough, but it's time to go mow the lawn.
Monday, April 19, 2010
the big day
Several weeks ago, someone asked me how the wedding plans were coming. I replied, "I am looking forward to the big day, and I am looking forward to the day AFTER the big day." Well, it is now two weeks after the big day. What are my thoughts?
In a nutshell, ALL the work was definitely worth it. The reception was especially beautiful, and the food was to die for. The DJ did his thing, and to paraphrase a line from My Best Friends Wedding, "THERE WAS DANCING."
We had lots of talented help for which we are very grateful.
The reception was held in a lovely garden center, with stone paths, floor to ceiling windows overlooking the valley (and even though quite the storm arose and obstructed the city lights, we were warm and happy inside), and flowers everywhere. Candles adorned the entrance, tables and ceiling. I remember pausing at a curve in the path near the wedding cake table, looking out over the scene, and thinking, 'Cinderella's ball couldn't have been more beautiful.'
But the best part of the night came when my sweet daughter, my little girl, that snuggled against my side without moving her first three days in this world -- and hasn't really left since -- gave me a hug and whispered, "Thank you for giving me my dream wedding."
In a nutshell, ALL the work was definitely worth it. The reception was especially beautiful, and the food was to die for. The DJ did his thing, and to paraphrase a line from My Best Friends Wedding, "THERE WAS DANCING."
We had lots of talented help for which we are very grateful.
The reception was held in a lovely garden center, with stone paths, floor to ceiling windows overlooking the valley (and even though quite the storm arose and obstructed the city lights, we were warm and happy inside), and flowers everywhere. Candles adorned the entrance, tables and ceiling. I remember pausing at a curve in the path near the wedding cake table, looking out over the scene, and thinking, 'Cinderella's ball couldn't have been more beautiful.'
But the best part of the night came when my sweet daughter, my little girl, that snuggled against my side without moving her first three days in this world -- and hasn't really left since -- gave me a hug and whispered, "Thank you for giving me my dream wedding."
Friday, March 5, 2010
signs of progress or maturity, take your pick whose
I get the privilege of working in schools, though not as a teacher of kids. I teach wanna be teachers -- yes, I supervise those student teachers you loved to give grief to during your own formative years in jr. high and high school.
This year, I asked to be assigned to my son's high school BECAUSE IT IS FIVE MINUTES AWAY. I admit, I had my worries. I KNOW how important space is to a teenager, and I KNEW he would not be thrilled with the prospect. So, we seemed to enter a truce about it sometime after the streaking incident, or as I now lovingly refer to it as, THE OFFICIAL ACT OF REBELLION. (I'm sure this is not the only one, but I'm happy in my world of make-believe, so please, let it be for now.)
Here is an actual conversation that took place today when we by chance ran into each other on the school stairwell:
Son: Hey, (calls me by my given name).
Me: Hey.
Progress by son.
Conversation later as I met him in the front foyer after school:
Me (trying to be sensitive): The car is up the hill in the parking lot. We can walk up there together, or you can meet me.
Son: (No response, but he takes a parallel walkway until we are forced to meet. I then walk several steps behind him until he begins, with a familiar tease in his voice): I can go get the car and pick you up here. What kid walks with his mom from the school to the car?
Me: I thought you were a little more mature than most kids.
Son: (Silence. But when we get to the crosswalk to the parking lot, he has one of his friends acknowledge my presence. They then take a circuitous route through the parking lot as I make a straight path to our vehicle.)
Progress by mom.
This year, I asked to be assigned to my son's high school BECAUSE IT IS FIVE MINUTES AWAY. I admit, I had my worries. I KNOW how important space is to a teenager, and I KNEW he would not be thrilled with the prospect. So, we seemed to enter a truce about it sometime after the streaking incident, or as I now lovingly refer to it as, THE OFFICIAL ACT OF REBELLION. (I'm sure this is not the only one, but I'm happy in my world of make-believe, so please, let it be for now.)
Here is an actual conversation that took place today when we by chance ran into each other on the school stairwell:
Son: Hey, (calls me by my given name).
Me: Hey.
Progress by son.
Conversation later as I met him in the front foyer after school:
Me (trying to be sensitive): The car is up the hill in the parking lot. We can walk up there together, or you can meet me.
Son: (No response, but he takes a parallel walkway until we are forced to meet. I then walk several steps behind him until he begins, with a familiar tease in his voice): I can go get the car and pick you up here. What kid walks with his mom from the school to the car?
Me: I thought you were a little more mature than most kids.
Son: (Silence. But when we get to the crosswalk to the parking lot, he has one of his friends acknowledge my presence. They then take a circuitous route through the parking lot as I make a straight path to our vehicle.)
Progress by mom.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
just life
Today, I am just writing. No great messages, no epiphanies, no trying to fix things ...
It's been a very busy week. I went straight from survival to rejuvenation, with very little disillusionment in between. Okay, there was some disillusionment, but nothing a little honesty couldn't improve.
I forget to be honest, with myself and with others. But as the dear fellow, John Astin, used to say on Night Court, I'm getting better all the time. The rejuvenation was due, in part, to the muscle relaxers darling doctor prescribed. Thank you, dear doctor.
Wedding plans continue to move forward. I can't believe said event will actually be happening -- my daugher is getting married!! -- and I think of her entering entering this new and strange land. Though to be honest, I think she'll navigate the landscape far better than I ever did. She is quick and honest, and her fiance is patient and loving. Not a bad combination.
So, tonight in between typing up my observation schedule for work and sending back comments on student assignments, I'll be making an invitation list because the wedding announcements need to go out THIS WEEK or we'll be in deep doodoo as bridal etiquette says invitations should go out 4-6 weeks before the wedding and we are cutting it awfully close.
Oh, and I made cookies Friday, which I hardly ever do anymore. But I figured the last son left at home deserved some semblance of a mother being a mom, beyond "Have you done your chores?"
It's been a very busy week. I went straight from survival to rejuvenation, with very little disillusionment in between. Okay, there was some disillusionment, but nothing a little honesty couldn't improve.
I forget to be honest, with myself and with others. But as the dear fellow, John Astin, used to say on Night Court, I'm getting better all the time. The rejuvenation was due, in part, to the muscle relaxers darling doctor prescribed. Thank you, dear doctor.
Wedding plans continue to move forward. I can't believe said event will actually be happening -- my daugher is getting married!! -- and I think of her entering entering this new and strange land. Though to be honest, I think she'll navigate the landscape far better than I ever did. She is quick and honest, and her fiance is patient and loving. Not a bad combination.
So, tonight in between typing up my observation schedule for work and sending back comments on student assignments, I'll be making an invitation list because the wedding announcements need to go out THIS WEEK or we'll be in deep doodoo as bridal etiquette says invitations should go out 4-6 weeks before the wedding and we are cutting it awfully close.
Oh, and I made cookies Friday, which I hardly ever do anymore. But I figured the last son left at home deserved some semblance of a mother being a mom, beyond "Have you done your chores?"
Saturday, February 20, 2010
today
Phrase said to me while I was out running errands earlier this evening:
"Challenge is good for us."
I was not in the mood for that one. But, there is nothing like a good book, and while picking up a few books at the library for DH, I picked up one for myself: Teacher Man, by Frank McCourt. I just read the prologue while sitting at our kitchen bar eating dinner. I am already hooked, and may not even need that piece of chocolate for dessert.
"Challenge is good for us."
I was not in the mood for that one. But, there is nothing like a good book, and while picking up a few books at the library for DH, I picked up one for myself: Teacher Man, by Frank McCourt. I just read the prologue while sitting at our kitchen bar eating dinner. I am already hooked, and may not even need that piece of chocolate for dessert.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
shifting
The other day nearly took it out of me. I didn't experience quite the sense of being lost I have felt in the past, but I also didn't fall asleep until 1 a.m. because my thoughts just bounced around in my head from one issue to the next. Will DS forgive me? Will DH get work? Will I ever get this house decluttered? Will DD get well? Will my students understand that I shouldn't have had so many guest speakers at the start of the semester because that didn't leave us enough time to discuss other issues important to them? And on, and on, and on ....
Not being able to fall asleep that night, I graded student work from 11:30 - 1 a.m., which probably wasn't the best method to relax, but at least I was getting something done. Maybe I should have reflected in my teaching journal instead. Maybe a brain dump rather than distraction is just what was needed. I'll have to try that next time.
Anyway, the next morning I woke up, feeling tired, feeling beaten. NO, feeling beat up. And I knew exactly who was doing most of the beating. But how to stop this incessant self chatter? I'd been doing deep breathing exercises, I'd been telling myself, "Hey, you're lovable," I'd been patting myself on the back for every little thing I got done (well, trying to ... the other voice, not necessarily louder but definitely more habitual, says, "Hey, you should have done this! And look at all you still have to do!" Blah, blah, blah ...). I was attempting all the right things except making it to the gym!
I tried to remember, how did I get better before? Lying in bed before starting the day, I attempted to remind myself that I wasn't going to snap out of this just like that. With my previous mini-breakdown, I think it was about two months before peace became more of a constant companion than misery. Could I experience that shift again? But I had to ...
Then, standing in the shower, it came. A flash of normalcy -- just for a second, but definitely there.
It came as I procrastinated just a few more minutes in the shower, reluctant to leave the pleasant cocoon of warm water enveloping me as it ran downward from my neck to my toes. I was mentally making a list of everything I had to do that day. So much to accomplish! How could I go on? I dreaded turning off the water to begin my impossible day. And then, for some reason - don't ask me why - I had the thought, "Think of your list differently." A friend of mine calls her 'to do' list her PODA -- parade of daily adventures. So, the thought came, and with it an even shorter than momentary sense of relief. Perhaps there is hope.
Not being able to fall asleep that night, I graded student work from 11:30 - 1 a.m., which probably wasn't the best method to relax, but at least I was getting something done. Maybe I should have reflected in my teaching journal instead. Maybe a brain dump rather than distraction is just what was needed. I'll have to try that next time.
Anyway, the next morning I woke up, feeling tired, feeling beaten. NO, feeling beat up. And I knew exactly who was doing most of the beating. But how to stop this incessant self chatter? I'd been doing deep breathing exercises, I'd been telling myself, "Hey, you're lovable," I'd been patting myself on the back for every little thing I got done (well, trying to ... the other voice, not necessarily louder but definitely more habitual, says, "Hey, you should have done this! And look at all you still have to do!" Blah, blah, blah ...). I was attempting all the right things except making it to the gym!
I tried to remember, how did I get better before? Lying in bed before starting the day, I attempted to remind myself that I wasn't going to snap out of this just like that. With my previous mini-breakdown, I think it was about two months before peace became more of a constant companion than misery. Could I experience that shift again? But I had to ...
Then, standing in the shower, it came. A flash of normalcy -- just for a second, but definitely there.
It came as I procrastinated just a few more minutes in the shower, reluctant to leave the pleasant cocoon of warm water enveloping me as it ran downward from my neck to my toes. I was mentally making a list of everything I had to do that day. So much to accomplish! How could I go on? I dreaded turning off the water to begin my impossible day. And then, for some reason - don't ask me why - I had the thought, "Think of your list differently." A friend of mine calls her 'to do' list her PODA -- parade of daily adventures. So, the thought came, and with it an even shorter than momentary sense of relief. Perhaps there is hope.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Shattered
If you can't guess by the title of this post, the peace is gone. At least, for now.
"It" is back. I woke up today and knew I would have to live 15 minutes at a time, just like before. Because I can't see beyond the next 15 minutes -- not what to do, or what to feel, or ...
My sense of self feels shattered, in so many pieces. I don't even know where to look to pick the pieces up, or what they even look like, much less how to put them back together.
So, I got up today, made a reasonable to-do list, and then began my day. I will admit I am strictly on auto-pilot.
Dr. Gordon, in his text Unstuck, says that symptoms like mine signal the need for a change. DUH. But what space is there for personal change when DH is about to lose his job, and DD is about to get married, and x number of students depend on me to be prepared as they continue moving toward professional licensure, and .... ?
"It" is back. I woke up today and knew I would have to live 15 minutes at a time, just like before. Because I can't see beyond the next 15 minutes -- not what to do, or what to feel, or ...
My sense of self feels shattered, in so many pieces. I don't even know where to look to pick the pieces up, or what they even look like, much less how to put them back together.
So, I got up today, made a reasonable to-do list, and then began my day. I will admit I am strictly on auto-pilot.
Dr. Gordon, in his text Unstuck, says that symptoms like mine signal the need for a change. DUH. But what space is there for personal change when DH is about to lose his job, and DD is about to get married, and x number of students depend on me to be prepared as they continue moving toward professional licensure, and .... ?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
List #4: What's that?
Okay, folks, another list. Woohoo!
List #4: List the places you go in your mind when you want some peace and quiet.
LOL -- peace and quiet? Really? What's that?
Okay, I actually have quite a bit of peace and quiet in my life right now, now that I have only one child left in high school, and at 17, he's not really anxious for me to be a big part of his life or to be a big part of mine, unless a sunny beach or copious amounts of good food are involved. And even then, it's a stretch.
But, there have been times in the past when I've needed lots of help finding peace and quiet, and there are even times now, especially when I am concerned about work or my children, that peace is about the best gift someone could give me.
So where would I go in my mind? Well, here, I'll show you:
Here's more:
Don't you just love that last photo? We swam with sea turles while snorkling in that exact spot. Talk about peaceful. It is truly amazing to swim with a creature that could be a hundred years old.
These photos were taken at Hapuna Beach on the big island of Hawaii. The hotel at this beach is something else. We would wake every morning to the music of island birds in our ears. Each night on the lobby deck overlooking the beach, a hula dancer would gently tell her stories, moving seamlessly to the ukelele and Hawaiian singing in the background. Ocean waves lulled us to sleep every night.
Can you tell I can't wait to go back sometime? Hawaii is one of the most peaceful places I have ever been. I'm sure it would be somewhat different to live there, but I have a feeling the peace and quiet could still be found.
There are other places I go in my mind for peace and quiet, but I'll save those for the next post.
List #4: List the places you go in your mind when you want some peace and quiet.
LOL -- peace and quiet? Really? What's that?
Okay, I actually have quite a bit of peace and quiet in my life right now, now that I have only one child left in high school, and at 17, he's not really anxious for me to be a big part of his life or to be a big part of mine, unless a sunny beach or copious amounts of good food are involved. And even then, it's a stretch.
But, there have been times in the past when I've needed lots of help finding peace and quiet, and there are even times now, especially when I am concerned about work or my children, that peace is about the best gift someone could give me.
So where would I go in my mind? Well, here, I'll show you:
Here's more:
Don't you just love that last photo? We swam with sea turles while snorkling in that exact spot. Talk about peaceful. It is truly amazing to swim with a creature that could be a hundred years old.
These photos were taken at Hapuna Beach on the big island of Hawaii. The hotel at this beach is something else. We would wake every morning to the music of island birds in our ears. Each night on the lobby deck overlooking the beach, a hula dancer would gently tell her stories, moving seamlessly to the ukelele and Hawaiian singing in the background. Ocean waves lulled us to sleep every night.
Can you tell I can't wait to go back sometime? Hawaii is one of the most peaceful places I have ever been. I'm sure it would be somewhat different to live there, but I have a feeling the peace and quiet could still be found.
There are other places I go in my mind for peace and quiet, but I'll save those for the next post.
Friday, January 1, 2010
List #3: it's good to be me
It seems fitting to start out the new year full of 'hope' by acknowledging some of my strengths. So, here is a variation on that theme with today's list:
List #3: List the compliments you receive on a regular basis.
1. That I am pretty ...
Okay, this one used to bother me. Not a ton, because who doesn't like being told they look nice, right? But, on one level, it did bother me because I really didn't have anything to do with how my looks turned out -- that credit goes to the gene factory. And on another level, it bothered me because it seemed a rather superficial compliment to receive. Also,does this mean some women are not pretty? Oooooh, that really goes against me big time! I think every person is beautiful and unique and oh, so interesting. BUT, I have come to peace with merely saying 'thank you' and moving on. Oh, and now that I am getting older, I don't hear it quite so often, LOL.
2. That I am smart.
I'll take this one ;-). Yeah, I graduated valedictorian -- gotta brag about it someplace, eh, so why not here? But I always envied folks who had common sense, something I have been a bit short of most of my life. I think I'm finally getting some balance between the two.
3. That I make good comments in Sunday school.
I think this one is related to #2, but hopefully in a spiritually common sense way and not in a 'Oh, she knows so much about the scriptures way' which could never be true because of my NOT amazing memory.
4. That I am calm.
Hahahahahahahahaha ..... this one always makes me laugh inside to the point of pick me up off of the floor, if you only knew, hahahaha! Let me just say four words: NO I AM NOT. For a calm person, I have quite the temper when I am feeling off-kilter. But I will admit, I'm not a big drama queen OVER MOST THINGS BESIDES THE HOUSE. (That one is for my husband and children.) Could be, but prefer, in my ideal life, not to be. I think Jennifer Garner said it best, and I do wish I could live life this way all the time, "I prefer to be dumb and happy." And by dumb, I don't mean not smart (see #2 above) but dumb as in not spending too much time worrying about DUMB things that don't really matter, which to me is the essence of having LOTS of common sense.
List #3: List the compliments you receive on a regular basis.
1. That I am pretty ...
Okay, this one used to bother me. Not a ton, because who doesn't like being told they look nice, right? But, on one level, it did bother me because I really didn't have anything to do with how my looks turned out -- that credit goes to the gene factory. And on another level, it bothered me because it seemed a rather superficial compliment to receive. Also,does this mean some women are not pretty? Oooooh, that really goes against me big time! I think every person is beautiful and unique and oh, so interesting. BUT, I have come to peace with merely saying 'thank you' and moving on. Oh, and now that I am getting older, I don't hear it quite so often, LOL.
2. That I am smart.
I'll take this one ;-). Yeah, I graduated valedictorian -- gotta brag about it someplace, eh, so why not here? But I always envied folks who had common sense, something I have been a bit short of most of my life. I think I'm finally getting some balance between the two.
3. That I make good comments in Sunday school.
I think this one is related to #2, but hopefully in a spiritually common sense way and not in a 'Oh, she knows so much about the scriptures way' which could never be true because of my NOT amazing memory.
4. That I am calm.
Hahahahahahahahaha ..... this one always makes me laugh inside to the point of pick me up off of the floor, if you only knew, hahahaha! Let me just say four words: NO I AM NOT. For a calm person, I have quite the temper when I am feeling off-kilter. But I will admit, I'm not a big drama queen OVER MOST THINGS BESIDES THE HOUSE. (That one is for my husband and children.) Could be, but prefer, in my ideal life, not to be. I think Jennifer Garner said it best, and I do wish I could live life this way all the time, "I prefer to be dumb and happy." And by dumb, I don't mean not smart (see #2 above) but dumb as in not spending too much time worrying about DUMB things that don't really matter, which to me is the essence of having LOTS of common sense.
Hope
Well, here it is New Year's Day. DH is taking a nap before we head out to see DS, 23, and other ds, 17, just woke up (yes, it's 2 in the afternoon!) and is enjoying his mancave time downstairs. Me, I probably could take a nap but decided to log on instead.
I think I have been the recipient of several God-breezes lately (thank you, flylady -- see flylady.net) that all came together today. For some reason, the concept of 'hope' has been on my mind. I've been thinking about its role in our lives, and how just a change of perspective from despair (the absence of hope) to one of hopefulness can change EVERYTHING. And then someone anonymously sent me a silver star ornament in the mail yesterday with the word 'hope' engraved on it. And then, DH played this video for me today and I was all like, 'What is going on here?' Click on the link below and let's just say, I LOVE IT. I need to watch this every morning and probably several times throughout the day until it becomes a part of me.
I love this video for several reasons, but the most important one has to do with the truth - one that is easy to forget - of how our mindset can affect our actions and thus, my life and the lives of others. When I am in despair, I am predisposed to act a certain way both towards myself and towards others, and I have no doubt that my actions when I am in this place do not help anyone, including me. In essence, my actions keep me stuck in an unhelpful place. But when I have hope, I DO act differently, and in many ways I am an entirely different person -- or perhaps I am able to access the best part of myself, who I truly am and want to be. The amazing truth is that it is precisely these different, hopeful actions which have the power to bring about the change I seek or the change that is needed.
I think I have been the recipient of several God-breezes lately (thank you, flylady -- see flylady.net) that all came together today. For some reason, the concept of 'hope' has been on my mind. I've been thinking about its role in our lives, and how just a change of perspective from despair (the absence of hope) to one of hopefulness can change EVERYTHING. And then someone anonymously sent me a silver star ornament in the mail yesterday with the word 'hope' engraved on it. And then, DH played this video for me today and I was all like, 'What is going on here?' Click on the link below and let's just say, I LOVE IT. I need to watch this every morning and probably several times throughout the day until it becomes a part of me.
I love this video for several reasons, but the most important one has to do with the truth - one that is easy to forget - of how our mindset can affect our actions and thus, my life and the lives of others. When I am in despair, I am predisposed to act a certain way both towards myself and towards others, and I have no doubt that my actions when I am in this place do not help anyone, including me. In essence, my actions keep me stuck in an unhelpful place. But when I have hope, I DO act differently, and in many ways I am an entirely different person -- or perhaps I am able to access the best part of myself, who I truly am and want to be. The amazing truth is that it is precisely these different, hopeful actions which have the power to bring about the change I seek or the change that is needed.
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