Little Surprises

Lately, I have been working on establishing routines. Wha? Huh? What kind of routines, you ask?

Well, for starters, something as simple as doing the same things when I get up in the morning, like doing my physical therapy exercises, having reading/writing time, showering, unloading the dishwasher, etc .... getting those things done, without really thinking about it, so I can get on to the rest of the day, whatever that agenda might entail.

Because I struggle with time. Not being on time. Oh, no, I am VERY good at that. (Thank you, growing up in a military family.)

No, I've simply been on the treadmill for so long at a certain speed, it's hard for me to ramp down as I would like. To move smoothly through things, with elegance, ease, and trust.

It also doesn't help that I am easily distracted. Like this blog post. (Secret: I haven't done my routines yet, except for my physical therapy exercises .... ;-)). Of course, being the artistic, creative soul that I am I don't want to lose the moment and write this later, when the essence of the event has to be re-created. (Recognizing that perhaps that thought is a myth in itself, but will save that for another post.)

So, here I am, my routine completely jumbled in the best way this morning, and all because of serendipity, once again. Seems the universe would like to help me out on this one.

I woke and after groggy contemplation, decided to check FB. Hmmm, routine already disrupted there. But I didn't stay on long, as I sometimes do. Then upstairs to grab my exercise stuff - inflatable ball, towel, rubber band - and was it my imagination or did my exercises seem to go more smoothly this morning? I do like just getting them done, but not hurriedly. I enjoy the movement, my body aligning itself as it needs to be.

Then, downstairs for breakfast. I figured, fix some breakfast, then read my scriptures while eating. Ah, that sounded nice! I opened the cupboard door.

What, no oatmeal? None? Oh, but those cookies were good :-). What else to fix? Then I spy an old but perfectly serviceable box of beignet mix! (Beignets are French donuts for those of you who have not been to New Orleans and tasted these yummy treats. Cafe Dumond, if you are ever in the area.) Hmmm, both my boys are home, should I surprise them? Yes, I will.

I begin to mix them up in the kitchen ... quite easy, really, just add water. And as I am mixing darling hubby comes down and begins playing the piano in the adjoining room. (Which he never does in the morning.) He is really, really good by the way. A lovely hymn, "If You Could Hie to Kolob." Gorgeous, melodic arrangement. Then, darling son, 22, appears with his guitar. He begins playing a counter melody. They finish, then after a brief tuning, they play the song again.

I am in heaven, singing along softly in the kitchen, watching the puffy little balls of dough fry in the hot oil, dousing them with powdered sugar, and imagining the delight and surprise of my boys at such an unexpected treat.

Routines are good. So is spontaneity. And feeling very grateful that I had the time this morning to be spontaneous like that. Now I am off to finish my routines and get on with the rest of the day.

Wise Words

Anxiety and depression have been a large part of my life, though for a long time, I didn't know it. I could recount numerous relatives who self-medicated, but I won't. That was their journey, their pain.

I thought when I moved from my family of origin, that those demons would be gone. Little did I know that these lovely little diseases are carried genetically, chemically, often passed around the family like a hot potato, willy nilly, afflicting those we love seemingly at random. I never quite understood it. "Come on, just exercise and eat right and be positive and it will all work out." Or, "Just snap out of it."

Now I understand. If there is anything having fibromyalgia has taught me, it is more compassion. Much more. And for that, I am very grateful.

A dear friend of mine who also suffers from these afflictions recently spoke at a congregational address. He alluded briefly and appropriately to his experience, and then proceeded to speak from his experience. I would like to share his words here, not verbatim, but I did take good notes :-).

First, we should remind ourselves we can figure 'this' out, and that ultimately, these afflictions (or any afflictions, for that matter) will be taken from us in the next life. But for now, some days, you just put one foot in front of the other, and realize that in doing so, you're doing just great.

Second, he reminded us to use 'faith promoting language' in our heads, in other words, in our self-talk. Instead of thinking of something as a disaster, we can look at it as a wonderful learning opportunity. If something seems a mess, we can instead view it as an opportunity to figure out a solution. Recognize that many things are just a bump in the road.

We need to empower ourselves. If we ask ourselves, "What's wrong with me?" well, the brain will tell us.

Look at things through the prism of faith. This is not to minimize the feelings and emotions we experience during affliction, but it is good to remember that those feelings and emotions are not everything there is.

It's a good place

"Slow and steady wins the race ..." How many times have I heard this? Yet, it is not my nature. I have run off adrenaline, the rush, the thrill, the "look how much I can do!' for so long. My being was in my doing. As I've written here before, it's hard to change gears, even when life circumstances force you to. The body may change, the heart and head can be another matter. And it's not fun being at war with oneself.

So, slow and steady wins the race calms my heart. Helps me remember I am right where I need to be. Keeps the anxiety and adrenaline monsters at bay ... no, more than that. It helps them go 'poof' in a cloud of smoke, naming them for the illusions they truly are.

Earlier, I mentioned the book Style Statement - 'Walk, don't run!' Well, I never finished that book. Maybe I will this summer ... we will see. Other books are currently on my plate to digest, slowly and steadily. But I do often think on what my style statement would be, those two words that would guide my actions because they reflect my core. Integrity can feel really good.

Two words I came up with were 'unstudied presence.' I think this fits in nicely with slow and steady ... I'm not going to obsess over things, but remain 'unstudied' about them. Just do some things because making them a habit allows for more peace in my life, and do others without over thinking them so I don't feel anxious about the process. Presence keeps me steady with my desires, my goals, my dreams ... the quality of life I am seeking to build for myself.

Slow and steady ... feels good, doesn't it?