From my facebook status: Okay, I want to know who ordered the snow this morning, WHO?? Not before Halloween, folks, NOT BEFORE HALLOWEEN!!!
Seriously, I woke up this morning, saw the snow, and put on a Hawaiian print shirt (my swimsuit cover-up that I bought in Hawaii no less) as an act of rebellion. I'm wearing it ALL DAY, and maybe even tomorrow if the snow doesn't melt by then.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
My almost ideal life
The last ten years are a blur. I believe I am ready to retire.
I finally got back in the pool today. It felt so good to move in the water, and I thought, "I was meant to move." I'm happy when I'm dancing, or hiking, or dancing, or going to the gym, or dancing. The only non-moving activity that even comes close to such bliss is singing. And when I do that, I'm moving my mouth, so what does that say?
So, where was I going with this? Oh, yeah, movement. I realized today while working out in the pool that it has been ten years since I retired from teaching fitness classes. And I must admit, I miss it at times. I miss the movement, the music, feeling my muscles work and stretch and all that good stuff that must set off some chemical reaction in me that I enjoy it the way I do.
I also miss having feet that work, but I'll save that for another day. (Scroll back to post regarding almost dying during bunion surgery.)
I think I'd like to retire to a country with dancing, like some place in Mexico or South America where the locals can teach me salsa and I would go swimming every day and dancing every night. Oh, and if I got to sing occasionally with the band, then that would be almost heaven to me.
I finally got back in the pool today. It felt so good to move in the water, and I thought, "I was meant to move." I'm happy when I'm dancing, or hiking, or dancing, or going to the gym, or dancing. The only non-moving activity that even comes close to such bliss is singing. And when I do that, I'm moving my mouth, so what does that say?
So, where was I going with this? Oh, yeah, movement. I realized today while working out in the pool that it has been ten years since I retired from teaching fitness classes. And I must admit, I miss it at times. I miss the movement, the music, feeling my muscles work and stretch and all that good stuff that must set off some chemical reaction in me that I enjoy it the way I do.
I also miss having feet that work, but I'll save that for another day. (Scroll back to post regarding almost dying during bunion surgery.)
I think I'd like to retire to a country with dancing, like some place in Mexico or South America where the locals can teach me salsa and I would go swimming every day and dancing every night. Oh, and if I got to sing occasionally with the band, then that would be almost heaven to me.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
I could have danced all night ...
Okay, not really, I am, after all, 45 years old ... but I did dance off and on for about three hours last night, and it was SHEER HEAVEN. I just want to say a personal thank you to all the men there at the social who stuck with the ballroom dance classes, learned the rhythms and the steps, so that I could benefit. I felt almost 19 again.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
just thinking
Wholeness does not mean perfection: it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life.
Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness
I'm not sure I always recognize brokenness for what it is, but I know what it feels like. Used to be I couldn't always recognize when something in my life was out of sorts or a situation or relationship was in a broken phase. By broken, I mean when our souls are acting out of harmony with who we really are or would like to be, no matter what is going on around us. Usually I don't recognize the dissonance until the moment is over, but lately, I've been recognizing it a lot faster, sometimes even in the moment. Is this what is meant by being present? Perhaps.
It's difficult to build this kind of integrity. It means saying 'yes' to things that are life-giving in my life. One would think that is the easy part, but it takes a certain courage to acknowledge one's gifts, develop them and create opportunities to use them. It also takes discipline. But building integrity also means saying no to things or situations or even people that do not support my soul in its entirety. It's especially difficult to let go of a friendship that feeds your soul on one level, but the overall cost is too high. Something inside you suffers, and you know this, and you try to ignore it for as long as you can, but it's really doing no one any good to continue to live in such a divided state.
I pay a steep price when I live a divided life - feeling fraudulent, anxious about being found out, and depressed by the fact that I am denying my own self-hood. The people around me pay a price as well, for now they walk on ground made unstable by my dividedness. How can I affirm another's identity when I deny my own? How can I trust another's integrity when I defy my own? A fault line runs down the middle of my life, and whenever it cracks open - divorcing my words and actions from the truth I hold within - things get shaky and start to fall apart.
What does it mean to embrace the brokenness? Again, I'm still working with this one, but I think it means to look life in the face, to not run or be afraid, and then learn from it to guide oneself, and to possibly guide others. What gives me the courage to do so? Realizing I, and others, are worth it.
Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness
I'm not sure I always recognize brokenness for what it is, but I know what it feels like. Used to be I couldn't always recognize when something in my life was out of sorts or a situation or relationship was in a broken phase. By broken, I mean when our souls are acting out of harmony with who we really are or would like to be, no matter what is going on around us. Usually I don't recognize the dissonance until the moment is over, but lately, I've been recognizing it a lot faster, sometimes even in the moment. Is this what is meant by being present? Perhaps.
It's difficult to build this kind of integrity. It means saying 'yes' to things that are life-giving in my life. One would think that is the easy part, but it takes a certain courage to acknowledge one's gifts, develop them and create opportunities to use them. It also takes discipline. But building integrity also means saying no to things or situations or even people that do not support my soul in its entirety. It's especially difficult to let go of a friendship that feeds your soul on one level, but the overall cost is too high. Something inside you suffers, and you know this, and you try to ignore it for as long as you can, but it's really doing no one any good to continue to live in such a divided state.
I pay a steep price when I live a divided life - feeling fraudulent, anxious about being found out, and depressed by the fact that I am denying my own self-hood. The people around me pay a price as well, for now they walk on ground made unstable by my dividedness. How can I affirm another's identity when I deny my own? How can I trust another's integrity when I defy my own? A fault line runs down the middle of my life, and whenever it cracks open - divorcing my words and actions from the truth I hold within - things get shaky and start to fall apart.
What does it mean to embrace the brokenness? Again, I'm still working with this one, but I think it means to look life in the face, to not run or be afraid, and then learn from it to guide oneself, and to possibly guide others. What gives me the courage to do so? Realizing I, and others, are worth it.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
The end of an era
Well, as I write this, the end of an era is taking place. DS, 16,my baby, is getting his braces off.
I've gone through this process with three other children. Is it different with the baby of the family? I think most mothers would agree with me, sure, it is. I could write a bunch of stuff here about milestones and moments I remember and what it means that he is now driving and probably has a girfriend I know nothing about, and will continue to know nothing about until he is about 23 and decides it's safe for me to know some of this stuff. Yes, I could write volumes.
But I won't. Suffice it to say this is the kid that we all thought could audition for the role of Harry Potter eleven years ago and get it, British accent and all, and now he looks like a taller, more slender, younger and not quite so hairy version of Collin Ferrell.
I don't necessarily feel old given the occasion -- the varicose veins developing on my thighs already are doing that job, thank you very much -- but I do wonder, where did the time go?
I've gone through this process with three other children. Is it different with the baby of the family? I think most mothers would agree with me, sure, it is. I could write a bunch of stuff here about milestones and moments I remember and what it means that he is now driving and probably has a girfriend I know nothing about, and will continue to know nothing about until he is about 23 and decides it's safe for me to know some of this stuff. Yes, I could write volumes.
But I won't. Suffice it to say this is the kid that we all thought could audition for the role of Harry Potter eleven years ago and get it, British accent and all, and now he looks like a taller, more slender, younger and not quite so hairy version of Collin Ferrell.
I don't necessarily feel old given the occasion -- the varicose veins developing on my thighs already are doing that job, thank you very much -- but I do wonder, where did the time go?
Sunday, July 19, 2009
List #1: On being human
As noted in a previous entry, my son gave me a wonderful list book, titled List Your Self. This entry will be the first of hopefully many related list ideas given in that book. Here is the first one:
List all the qualities you love about being human.
Wow, talk about a big subject. Nope, we couldn't start with something simple, like, list your favorite foods, or, list three people that you could live happily without ever seeing again. I promise, this really IS the first list idea given in the book, though I should add that the list suggestions in the book do not have to be done in any order. But, I'm sure I'll address this particular list question at some point, and I do like having order in my life, so why put off the inevitable ...
First, a quality I admire in others and am working to constantly develop is the ability to laugh, to have a sense of humor. And I'm sure you can see how valuable this quality can be in our mortal journey.
But without going into all the gory details, I've actually been thinking a lot lately about being human. Specifically,what does it mean to be human in terms of our day to day interactions with others? I think it's easy to see our limitations in being human. I mean, besides the obvious, like we can't fly, there are other qualities about being human that seem rather unnecessary -- like the fact that because we are human, we eat too much. Or we are sometimes lazy. Or we hurt people's feelings. Or they hurt ours ... (This list could go on and on ... but I think you get the idea.)
Sadly, and as my family will readily attest, I am all TOO human! I recently had the occasion to apologize to someone close to me. (Okay, this is sometimes a daily occurence for me, but I digress.) I should say I had the opportunity to apologize, because I believe the thing that may frustrate me the most about being human is also the quality that allows for what I love best about being human. We all make mistakes; this is a given. But along with each mistake we make along the way, we are also given the opportunity to apologize for our mistakes. We can express sorrow, and then we can try to do better -- WE CAN CHANGE -- a very comforting aspect of being human. We can learn and grow, and not just in the way that rats in a maze learn the most direct pathway to the cheese.
Still, we all know the famous saying, "To err is human, to forgive is divine." It's food for thought that closely linked to an inevitable part of being human is such a divine attribute, that of being forgiving. I don't think this symbiotic link is an accident of the human condition. When someone near me makes a mistake -- because they are human -- then I can choose to extend forgiveness, even without an apology in place, and the healing balm is put in place which allows relationships to flourish. Through forgiveness, both individuals and relationships move forward, freed from the pain of past mistakes. It allows all of us to access our great, divine gifts and become the most complete and whole persons we can be on our way to being more like our Heavenly Father and his Son. I hate to think that by holding back forgiveness, I have made it more difficult for a person to progress. Like many, I know I have been guilty of this, but I'm working on it.
What would the world be like if we all lived by this principle of extending automatic forgiveness to those around us, for actions both large and small?
But even beyond Christian principles, giving apologies and extending forgiveness is just a nice way to live.
List all the qualities you love about being human.
Wow, talk about a big subject. Nope, we couldn't start with something simple, like, list your favorite foods, or, list three people that you could live happily without ever seeing again. I promise, this really IS the first list idea given in the book, though I should add that the list suggestions in the book do not have to be done in any order. But, I'm sure I'll address this particular list question at some point, and I do like having order in my life, so why put off the inevitable ...
First, a quality I admire in others and am working to constantly develop is the ability to laugh, to have a sense of humor. And I'm sure you can see how valuable this quality can be in our mortal journey.
But without going into all the gory details, I've actually been thinking a lot lately about being human. Specifically,what does it mean to be human in terms of our day to day interactions with others? I think it's easy to see our limitations in being human. I mean, besides the obvious, like we can't fly, there are other qualities about being human that seem rather unnecessary -- like the fact that because we are human, we eat too much. Or we are sometimes lazy. Or we hurt people's feelings. Or they hurt ours ... (This list could go on and on ... but I think you get the idea.)
Sadly, and as my family will readily attest, I am all TOO human! I recently had the occasion to apologize to someone close to me. (Okay, this is sometimes a daily occurence for me, but I digress.) I should say I had the opportunity to apologize, because I believe the thing that may frustrate me the most about being human is also the quality that allows for what I love best about being human. We all make mistakes; this is a given. But along with each mistake we make along the way, we are also given the opportunity to apologize for our mistakes. We can express sorrow, and then we can try to do better -- WE CAN CHANGE -- a very comforting aspect of being human. We can learn and grow, and not just in the way that rats in a maze learn the most direct pathway to the cheese.
Still, we all know the famous saying, "To err is human, to forgive is divine." It's food for thought that closely linked to an inevitable part of being human is such a divine attribute, that of being forgiving. I don't think this symbiotic link is an accident of the human condition. When someone near me makes a mistake -- because they are human -- then I can choose to extend forgiveness, even without an apology in place, and the healing balm is put in place which allows relationships to flourish. Through forgiveness, both individuals and relationships move forward, freed from the pain of past mistakes. It allows all of us to access our great, divine gifts and become the most complete and whole persons we can be on our way to being more like our Heavenly Father and his Son. I hate to think that by holding back forgiveness, I have made it more difficult for a person to progress. Like many, I know I have been guilty of this, but I'm working on it.
What would the world be like if we all lived by this principle of extending automatic forgiveness to those around us, for actions both large and small?
But even beyond Christian principles, giving apologies and extending forgiveness is just a nice way to live.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Southern Utah
Yes, I am a huge fan of southern Utah. I will head down there any chance I get. It seems strange, I know, especially given my penchant for the beach, ocean vistas, and water landscapes in general. So why do I so love the half of this state which is basically desert?
I'm not sure I completely know how to answer that. I know part of the attraction I have for the area, specifically, Zion National Park, lies in the creation of many happy memories there over the past 7 years or so. I have made a point of traveling down there whenever I can, with whomever I can. I find great delight in exploring the park over and over again. Then, last week, I was able to tour four additional parks with my DB and his wife -- Canyonlands, Arches, Captital Reef, and Bryce, with a half-day stop in Zion's before we headed home. Arches and Bryce, especially, did not disappoint, though I'm glad I didn't miss the sweeping, almost overwhelming landscape of Canyonlands, either.
However, I believe part of the attraction lies in the fact that the landscape of southern Utah is so vastly different from anything else I have ever known, shocking my senses into a much-needed, altered state. Basically, my brain turns off when I am there. Well, perhaps not exactly turns off, but the colors and landforms allow my thinking to somehow let go in a way that does not happen at home. And in that sense, I can turn off the many voices that call to me in my daily life and just be. Southern Utah requires nothing else of me than to look and explore at my whim. I realize I am in a a peaceful state there, the foreign having become familiar.
I'd like to learn how to transfer some of this respite in thinking into my daily life. I think another trip to southern Utah might help me get a handle on it ...
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