Nothing to fear but fear itself

List all the activities you'd do if you weren't so afraid:

1. Learn to fly a helicopter.

2. Write a book.

3. Make a CD of my singing.

4. Audition for more plays (okay, this one is due to a lack of time, as much as a bit of fear).

I think that's about it.

Oh, a few more:

5. Move to a new house, especially in Hawaii or Australia.

6. Hike Angel's Landing more often.

Father of the Bride Revisited

Today we'd like to officially announce that DH (darling husband) is officially banned from the wedding plans for our daughter. If anyone has any questions as to why, I suggest they rent Father of the Bride Part 1 with Steven Martin. I believe that movie will pretty much explain the dynamics going on at our house right now.

Dia de los Muertos

Happy Birthday, brother. Hard to believe you would have been 51 today, but then, it's hard for me to sometimes believe I am 45! On a good day, I still feel at most 35 or so ...

It's easy to remember your birthday, given that it's the day after Halloween. But you know, I never really appreciated you while you were alive. I think I was beginning to shortly before you were taken. When the kids were small, I was always so busy with their care, and I was more than a little critical at times of all the drama in your life. But you loved me anyway.

I will always treasure the time we had in Austin. One time that especially sticks out in my mind was when we were walking to pick up the van at the shop -- it had needed new tires, I believe. You inherited 'the purple dinosaur,' and you were so excited to take it back to Florida and share it with your boys, though I don't think it lasted much longer than the drive back before it needed repairs!

The other remembrance that was and still is especially precious to me is our all night gab fest. We were staying in K's guest room, you in one twin bed, me in the other, and we stayed up until at least 2 a.m. talking and giggling like school girls. I hadn't laughed so hard in a long, long time. And we just went on and on! Good times, that one.

There are other memories of course. Every time I visit Angel's Landing, and have to stop at Scout's Look-Out because of my fear of heights, I remember that the only time I could do that hike all the way and feel brave about it was when I was with you. If you were still here, I would hike that baby again in a minute. You always made me feel safe, big brother. I hope you like it that I scattered your ashes at Scout's Look-Out. It seemed fitting, and now whenever I return, the hold of that peaceful spot will be just that much stronger for me.

You taught me a lot about loyalty. I've never seen such a devoted dad. I get to see your boys quite often, and I know you would be very, very proud of them. They are smart, good boys. But I also know they miss you. So I try to talk about you as often as I can with them, because both you and I know what it's like to grow up hungry for a connection with someone you loved, who is such a part of you, who is gone.

Happy birthday, brother. Oh, and happy halloween, too. I miss you. Love, your sis

Payback

I sooo wanted to leave this entry up on facebook today, but out of deference to DH, I didn't. (And I completely understand his desire for privacy!) So I am posting it here:

Okay, this is TOO GOOD not to share ... Darling husband just backed up his fairly brand new car into my car on his way out of our driveway. And he has a rear-view camera and everything. I can't stop laughing about it! So glad it was him and not me ... Go Hubby!

This entry would have been especially sweet because earlier this summer, when I put the teeniest, tiniest, itsby, bitsy scratch on the bumper of said new car, DH said, "I knew something like that would happen" (implied: when I was using the car, not him). I think he also said something else to me at the time, and I quote: "But it was so preventable." Yeah, I would also make sure and get that part into the post, don't you think?

This morning, when I heard the ominous crunch outside our living room window, I went outside to survey the damage. My DH stood there, dejectedly holding the bumper of his almost brand new car in his hand. And what did I do? I hugged him.

Am I the greatest wife ever, or what?

Brrrr!!!!!

From my facebook status: Okay, I want to know who ordered the snow this morning, WHO?? Not before Halloween, folks, NOT BEFORE HALLOWEEN!!!

Seriously, I woke up this morning, saw the snow, and put on a Hawaiian print shirt (my swimsuit cover-up that I bought in Hawaii no less) as an act of rebellion. I'm wearing it ALL DAY, and maybe even tomorrow if the snow doesn't melt by then.

My almost ideal life

The last ten years are a blur. I believe I am ready to retire.

I finally got back in the pool today. It felt so good to move in the water, and I thought, "I was meant to move." I'm happy when I'm dancing, or hiking, or dancing, or going to the gym, or dancing. The only non-moving activity that even comes close to such bliss is singing. And when I do that, I'm moving my mouth, so what does that say?

So, where was I going with this? Oh, yeah, movement. I realized today while working out in the pool that it has been ten years since I retired from teaching fitness classes. And I must admit, I miss it at times. I miss the movement, the music, feeling my muscles work and stretch and all that good stuff that must set off some chemical reaction in me that I enjoy it the way I do.

I also miss having feet that work, but I'll save that for another day. (Scroll back to post regarding almost dying during bunion surgery.)

I think I'd like to retire to a country with dancing, like some place in Mexico or South America where the locals can teach me salsa and I would go swimming every day and dancing every night. Oh, and if I got to sing occasionally with the band, then that would be almost heaven to me.

I could have danced all night ...

Okay, not really, I am, after all, 45 years old ... but I did dance off and on for about three hours last night, and it was SHEER HEAVEN. I just want to say a personal thank you to all the men there at the social who stuck with the ballroom dance classes, learned the rhythms and the steps, so that I could benefit. I felt almost 19 again.