I'm not sure I'm ready for this. Wait, that's not true. I AM ready for this, I'm just a little afraid of the change it will mean for us.
I have not been a stay-at-home mom for a long time, nearly 12 years. I think I've done this working-mom thing a little backward. Most women would probably choose to stay home when their kids were little, then work once their kiddies began leaving home. I began working/attending school when my youngest was in kindergarten. Now he is 18, a senior in high school, and I have been forced, by my health, to take a break from work.
But I'm not unhappy about it. I think it took my body screaming at me to do this because my silly stubborn brain wouldn't accept that it was okay for me to slow down, even necessary for me to do so. Everyone tells you, "Take care of yourself." Well, that is what I am doing. I am taking care of myself, because if I don't, I won't be any good to anyone. I know that.
Years ago, a wise friend said, "Make your home a haven for your husband." As a young bride, I must admit, I bristled a bit at that. I thought, "What about me? Why do I have to do all the work at home?" Now that I have been out in the working world, I realize and appreciate so much the diversity of our roles. I am looking forward to making our home a haven for both of us, and for our children.
Sheri Dew wrote, "We may not be the first generation of sisters to be influenced by the world, but we have got to be the last. We've just got to be the last. It is high time for us to arise and have the influence God intended us to have. It is high time for us to lead the women of the world. It is high time for us to model the distinctiveness and happiness that set true followers of Jesus Christ apart."
I don't know much about being a 'leader of the women of the world,' but I am happy to lead in my own little sphere, if leading means being true to our hearts and homes. I expect that will look different for different women. But for all of us, we can follow inspiration to know what is best for ourselves and our families. And that is what I am doing. The adventure begins ...
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
A difficult one to answer
Another one: List the situations that always make you cry.
I don't cry easily. Maybe that's because I spent so much time crying in jr. high school that I got it all out then ... maybe. Or maybe it's because I try to have a positive outlook on life and crying just doesn't seem to jive with that, so I don't let myself cry. Take your pick.
But there are a few situations that always make me cry, besides watching the ending to "Mary Poppins" with Julie Andrews.
I cry when I realize I've hurt people, and that there is nothing I can do to make it better or take the hurt back. But then, besides sociopaths, of course, doesn't everybody cry when they realize that?
You know, I really can't think of something else that makes me cry. Oh, wait ... I just did. Loss. Loss makes me cry, though as a matter of course the tears will not hit me until days or even weeks after the event. And then usually only when I am alone.
I cry for my children sometimes, but then, what mother doesn't?
I sometimes cry when I am afraid or uncertain, but more often than not I just feel afraid or uncertain and want to cry.
I guess that's about it. I really don't cry easily, do I?
I don't cry easily. Maybe that's because I spent so much time crying in jr. high school that I got it all out then ... maybe. Or maybe it's because I try to have a positive outlook on life and crying just doesn't seem to jive with that, so I don't let myself cry. Take your pick.
But there are a few situations that always make me cry, besides watching the ending to "Mary Poppins" with Julie Andrews.
I cry when I realize I've hurt people, and that there is nothing I can do to make it better or take the hurt back. But then, besides sociopaths, of course, doesn't everybody cry when they realize that?
You know, I really can't think of something else that makes me cry. Oh, wait ... I just did. Loss. Loss makes me cry, though as a matter of course the tears will not hit me until days or even weeks after the event. And then usually only when I am alone.
I cry for my children sometimes, but then, what mother doesn't?
I sometimes cry when I am afraid or uncertain, but more often than not I just feel afraid or uncertain and want to cry.
I guess that's about it. I really don't cry easily, do I?
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
new things around here
So, yes, it has been nearly an entire summer and I have not written a word. Not one. And there is a reason for this: because I have been a complete slug for over two months. Okay, not a complete slug - I did manage to get to the gym, keep the laundry done, and occasionally cook dinner. But other than that, I have done very little. All those home improvement projects I was going to accomplish like cleaning out the garage and basement and painting the rest of the rooms in my house? I have done Nada. Zilch. NOTHING.
I'm trying to remember where all the time went. Oh, yeah ... facebook. And researching new cars. Here is what we got:
Isn't it pretty? I can't wait to take it down to southern Utah. CAN'T WAIT.
I'm trying to remember where all the time went. Oh, yeah ... facebook. And researching new cars. Here is what we got:
Isn't it pretty? I can't wait to take it down to southern Utah. CAN'T WAIT.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Another list
List all the things you've made or built by hand:
Not much.
No, really. I am NOT a particularly handy person. I am more into maintenance, as in cleaning. Now, that I can do. My bathroom is pretty spotless -- ALL THE TIME. I also like mowing the lawn. It's such a feeling of satisfaction to get something in order where the effect lasts more than 2 hours. Ironing is also pleasant, especially during General Conference.
But put something together? Hmmm ... I've just recently learned in a more concrete way than I knew before that I'm not a process-oriented person (vs. being a results-oriented person), so maybe that explains why I little enjoy making or building practically anything.
BUT, I have made or built a few things, so I will list them here:
1. SANTAS! I painted some AWESOME Santa Claus figures that I put out every Christmas. Granted, I didn't do this on my own -- I attended a RS class where everyone was painting them -- but I did do the work and I am proud of it.
2. THE DRESS: I sewed an awesome dress for DD when she was about 9. It was beautiful, with a tulle underskirt sewn in to make the dress nice and poofy - just like a princess would wear. DD only wore it once, as she said the dress was itchy (gee, could that have been due to the tulle rubbing against her little legs?), so I let a neighbor borrow the dress for her daughter. I then promptly forgot about the dress until about 5 years later. When I asked said neighbor if she still had it, she said she had given it away to a family member. I am sad we don't have that dress to pass down in the family.
3. CURTAINS: I made most of the curtains in our old house, as well as a shower curtain and sink skirt. And all because my darling brother-in-law, who is a designer, told me, "You can do it." And I did. I've never forgotten the power of those words on me.
I think that's about it. I'm sure I could think of more if I sat here long enough, but it's time to go mow the lawn.
Not much.
No, really. I am NOT a particularly handy person. I am more into maintenance, as in cleaning. Now, that I can do. My bathroom is pretty spotless -- ALL THE TIME. I also like mowing the lawn. It's such a feeling of satisfaction to get something in order where the effect lasts more than 2 hours. Ironing is also pleasant, especially during General Conference.
But put something together? Hmmm ... I've just recently learned in a more concrete way than I knew before that I'm not a process-oriented person (vs. being a results-oriented person), so maybe that explains why I little enjoy making or building practically anything.
BUT, I have made or built a few things, so I will list them here:
1. SANTAS! I painted some AWESOME Santa Claus figures that I put out every Christmas. Granted, I didn't do this on my own -- I attended a RS class where everyone was painting them -- but I did do the work and I am proud of it.
2. THE DRESS: I sewed an awesome dress for DD when she was about 9. It was beautiful, with a tulle underskirt sewn in to make the dress nice and poofy - just like a princess would wear. DD only wore it once, as she said the dress was itchy (gee, could that have been due to the tulle rubbing against her little legs?), so I let a neighbor borrow the dress for her daughter. I then promptly forgot about the dress until about 5 years later. When I asked said neighbor if she still had it, she said she had given it away to a family member. I am sad we don't have that dress to pass down in the family.
3. CURTAINS: I made most of the curtains in our old house, as well as a shower curtain and sink skirt. And all because my darling brother-in-law, who is a designer, told me, "You can do it." And I did. I've never forgotten the power of those words on me.
I think that's about it. I'm sure I could think of more if I sat here long enough, but it's time to go mow the lawn.
Monday, April 19, 2010
the big day
Several weeks ago, someone asked me how the wedding plans were coming. I replied, "I am looking forward to the big day, and I am looking forward to the day AFTER the big day." Well, it is now two weeks after the big day. What are my thoughts?
In a nutshell, ALL the work was definitely worth it. The reception was especially beautiful, and the food was to die for. The DJ did his thing, and to paraphrase a line from My Best Friends Wedding, "THERE WAS DANCING."
We had lots of talented help for which we are very grateful.
The reception was held in a lovely garden center, with stone paths, floor to ceiling windows overlooking the valley (and even though quite the storm arose and obstructed the city lights, we were warm and happy inside), and flowers everywhere. Candles adorned the entrance, tables and ceiling. I remember pausing at a curve in the path near the wedding cake table, looking out over the scene, and thinking, 'Cinderella's ball couldn't have been more beautiful.'
But the best part of the night came when my sweet daughter, my little girl, that snuggled against my side without moving her first three days in this world -- and hasn't really left since -- gave me a hug and whispered, "Thank you for giving me my dream wedding."
In a nutshell, ALL the work was definitely worth it. The reception was especially beautiful, and the food was to die for. The DJ did his thing, and to paraphrase a line from My Best Friends Wedding, "THERE WAS DANCING."
We had lots of talented help for which we are very grateful.
The reception was held in a lovely garden center, with stone paths, floor to ceiling windows overlooking the valley (and even though quite the storm arose and obstructed the city lights, we were warm and happy inside), and flowers everywhere. Candles adorned the entrance, tables and ceiling. I remember pausing at a curve in the path near the wedding cake table, looking out over the scene, and thinking, 'Cinderella's ball couldn't have been more beautiful.'
But the best part of the night came when my sweet daughter, my little girl, that snuggled against my side without moving her first three days in this world -- and hasn't really left since -- gave me a hug and whispered, "Thank you for giving me my dream wedding."
Friday, March 5, 2010
signs of progress or maturity, take your pick whose
I get the privilege of working in schools, though not as a teacher of kids. I teach wanna be teachers -- yes, I supervise those student teachers you loved to give grief to during your own formative years in jr. high and high school.
This year, I asked to be assigned to my son's high school BECAUSE IT IS FIVE MINUTES AWAY. I admit, I had my worries. I KNOW how important space is to a teenager, and I KNEW he would not be thrilled with the prospect. So, we seemed to enter a truce about it sometime after the streaking incident, or as I now lovingly refer to it as, THE OFFICIAL ACT OF REBELLION. (I'm sure this is not the only one, but I'm happy in my world of make-believe, so please, let it be for now.)
Here is an actual conversation that took place today when we by chance ran into each other on the school stairwell:
Son: Hey, (calls me by my given name).
Me: Hey.
Progress by son.
Conversation later as I met him in the front foyer after school:
Me (trying to be sensitive): The car is up the hill in the parking lot. We can walk up there together, or you can meet me.
Son: (No response, but he takes a parallel walkway until we are forced to meet. I then walk several steps behind him until he begins, with a familiar tease in his voice): I can go get the car and pick you up here. What kid walks with his mom from the school to the car?
Me: I thought you were a little more mature than most kids.
Son: (Silence. But when we get to the crosswalk to the parking lot, he has one of his friends acknowledge my presence. They then take a circuitous route through the parking lot as I make a straight path to our vehicle.)
Progress by mom.
This year, I asked to be assigned to my son's high school BECAUSE IT IS FIVE MINUTES AWAY. I admit, I had my worries. I KNOW how important space is to a teenager, and I KNEW he would not be thrilled with the prospect. So, we seemed to enter a truce about it sometime after the streaking incident, or as I now lovingly refer to it as, THE OFFICIAL ACT OF REBELLION. (I'm sure this is not the only one, but I'm happy in my world of make-believe, so please, let it be for now.)
Here is an actual conversation that took place today when we by chance ran into each other on the school stairwell:
Son: Hey, (calls me by my given name).
Me: Hey.
Progress by son.
Conversation later as I met him in the front foyer after school:
Me (trying to be sensitive): The car is up the hill in the parking lot. We can walk up there together, or you can meet me.
Son: (No response, but he takes a parallel walkway until we are forced to meet. I then walk several steps behind him until he begins, with a familiar tease in his voice): I can go get the car and pick you up here. What kid walks with his mom from the school to the car?
Me: I thought you were a little more mature than most kids.
Son: (Silence. But when we get to the crosswalk to the parking lot, he has one of his friends acknowledge my presence. They then take a circuitous route through the parking lot as I make a straight path to our vehicle.)
Progress by mom.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
just life
Today, I am just writing. No great messages, no epiphanies, no trying to fix things ...
It's been a very busy week. I went straight from survival to rejuvenation, with very little disillusionment in between. Okay, there was some disillusionment, but nothing a little honesty couldn't improve.
I forget to be honest, with myself and with others. But as the dear fellow, John Astin, used to say on Night Court, I'm getting better all the time. The rejuvenation was due, in part, to the muscle relaxers darling doctor prescribed. Thank you, dear doctor.
Wedding plans continue to move forward. I can't believe said event will actually be happening -- my daugher is getting married!! -- and I think of her entering entering this new and strange land. Though to be honest, I think she'll navigate the landscape far better than I ever did. She is quick and honest, and her fiance is patient and loving. Not a bad combination.
So, tonight in between typing up my observation schedule for work and sending back comments on student assignments, I'll be making an invitation list because the wedding announcements need to go out THIS WEEK or we'll be in deep doodoo as bridal etiquette says invitations should go out 4-6 weeks before the wedding and we are cutting it awfully close.
Oh, and I made cookies Friday, which I hardly ever do anymore. But I figured the last son left at home deserved some semblance of a mother being a mom, beyond "Have you done your chores?"
It's been a very busy week. I went straight from survival to rejuvenation, with very little disillusionment in between. Okay, there was some disillusionment, but nothing a little honesty couldn't improve.
I forget to be honest, with myself and with others. But as the dear fellow, John Astin, used to say on Night Court, I'm getting better all the time. The rejuvenation was due, in part, to the muscle relaxers darling doctor prescribed. Thank you, dear doctor.
Wedding plans continue to move forward. I can't believe said event will actually be happening -- my daugher is getting married!! -- and I think of her entering entering this new and strange land. Though to be honest, I think she'll navigate the landscape far better than I ever did. She is quick and honest, and her fiance is patient and loving. Not a bad combination.
So, tonight in between typing up my observation schedule for work and sending back comments on student assignments, I'll be making an invitation list because the wedding announcements need to go out THIS WEEK or we'll be in deep doodoo as bridal etiquette says invitations should go out 4-6 weeks before the wedding and we are cutting it awfully close.
Oh, and I made cookies Friday, which I hardly ever do anymore. But I figured the last son left at home deserved some semblance of a mother being a mom, beyond "Have you done your chores?"
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