No Goals for Now

Like most folks around this time of year, I've been thinking about goals lately. Actually, I'm not sure that I like the word 'goal.' It has so many negative connotations, like if I don't reach it, then somehow I have failed. Ugh!

No, actually what I am doing -- (I started to write 'trying to do,' but as we attract what we think, I am going to write as if there is no doubt I am going to accomplish it. Why not?) -- ahem, what I am doing is establishing some productive habits. My habit for January was to clean my kitchen completely every evening as soon as dinner was over, re not waiting until midnight or the next morning to even finish loading the dishwasher (like no one else ever does that, but stay with me). I want to wake up each day ready to greet the day, and a clean kitchen certainly goes a long way in aiding that mindset.

Anyhow, I am happy to report, I've done pretty well in working on this habit! I've only missed a few nights this past month, and I've also noticed I am better about keeping it clean during the day. Woohoo! I am secretly hoping my grown sons living at home will pick up on this habit as they see me doing it, but hey, I'm not holding my breath on that one. Their dishes do tend to generally make it to the kitchen sink -- okay, EVENTUALLY make it to the sink -- and for that I am grateful ;-). Hey, the dishwasher is only 12 more inches to one side! Hope springs eternal.

So, I've been thinking about what my habit for February might be. I've got lots I could focus on -- reading my scriptures everyday, making it to the gym every morning, laying out my clothes the night before, drinking more water. And those are all wonderful things that I will incorporate. But I've decided to focus on something more fundamental, and perhaps at the heart of any other habits I might wish to develop. It is based on something I read the other night:

"We value our basic package of who we are simply because we breathe. Self esteem has nothing to do with achieving or producing or even becoming. Rather it is that all encompassing sensation of feeling acceptable, capable, and most of all -- lovable, simply because we breathe. It has everything to do with accepting ourselves and appreciating who we innately are. The optimum motive of service begins by serving ourselves. We must have genuine compassion for the personality we bring with us at birth." Taylor Hartman, The Character Code

I am going to work on VALUIING MYSELF. Why? Well, apart from the obvious fact that I want to - who wouldn't? - is my firm sense that anything else I do will be meaningless or transient if I don't. Taylor goes on to say:

"Self-esteem is not just words, or even actions. It is an attitude: one that says I have worth simply because I am a human being; simply because I breathe and am alive. People with self-value, accept themselves. They don't expect."

Now, I might argue that there is a symbiotic relationship between actions and attitude. If I am feeling low, I know I can turn on music, and as certain music helps my heart sing, then it can't help but affect my attitude. But that is not the main point here. The habit I want to develop is to stop being the 'fixer,' and that includes always trying to fix MYSELF.

A wise friend, one of my guides in life, said that identity is like a house on stilts. When we remove one of the stilts, such as a role we have inhabited for quite some time, and go to replace it with something else, we can feel quite unbalanced or off-kilter until the new stilt is built, or put into place. Part of the material I am using for the new stilt is self-validation. And while I'm at it, I can work on validating others as well. Won't people around me love that! My family won't know what hit them.

I know it won't be easy. My self-critical (and other-critical) thought patterns have had 46 years of practice. THEY ARE GOOD AT IT. They won't give up without a fight. Well, neither will I. I'm going to spend a little time, perhaps 3 times a day, breathing, and with each breath, reminding myself I have value simply because I breathe. I can adore myself for no apparent reason. This is going to be good, and maybe even a bit fun. If nothing else, it will be an adventure.