Waiting

Well, the transition continues. Whether I want it to or not, so I might as well go with it, eh?

This thing, this lovely illness that I have, which we still don't have a name for because WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT TAKES OVER 3 MONTHS TO GET IN TO SEE A SPECIALIST? Sorry, I digress.

I know there is a gift somewhere in this. I believe that with all my heart. And I'll admit, the waiting is tough. As we like to quote from the great film, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: "I want an Oompah Loompah NOW, Daddy!" That is how I have felt most of the past three months. I want to know IF and WHEN I will get better, WHEN will I be able to return to work, and then when I return, WHAT work SHOULD or even CAN I do? The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, will not let me see past today. And yes, I can hear all of you writing me a collective response, "Maybe THAT is the EXACT lesson in this for you, to live in today!"

I'll admit, I have felt quite disoriented and not myself. I think that is part of my illness, not being able to 'feel.' So, I'm going quite a bit on faith here. No, let me correct that: I am going TOTALLY on faith here.

It's all I can do.

Oh, but wait a minute. I do have a choice here. I could choose not to live in faith, I suppose. So, big pat on the back to me for that one.

And in the meantime, I came across this lovely quote from Ekchart Tolle:

Waiting is a state of mind, the usual state of mind. Presence is when you're no longer waiting for the next moment, believing that the next moment will be more fulfilling than this one.