Faith, Part One

I woke, grateful for the sleep, but with the dull spike still lodged behind my right eye. I sought to remember .... ah yes - yesterday - the familiar malaise. And headache, coming on too late in the day to take anything for it, as the only ingredient that kicks them out is caffeine. Which just happens to be the same ingredient that keeps me awake for the following 14 hours, at least.

I rolled over, grateful for the new heating pad. Upcoming comfort! I turned it on, then continued to maneuver out of bed and downstairs to the generic migraine medication bottle. I knew this would do the trick, took two to be sure. Then back to my now warm bed to wait out the magic.

My mind wandered, to thoughts which came with surprising ease and I knew I wanted to keep. It's lovely, that time between sleeping and waking. Or I should say, between waking and getting up. So many years of 'Get up, get going.' No time to let my mind have a little play as I thoughtlessly peruse the beige ceiling! The re-wiring is taking time, but I am determined.

I purposely kept the recently revealed thoughts simple, so that I could retrieve them later. I dozed, satisfied.

It's good to know, "This, too, shall pass." I have learned that when my nervous system begs for its cocoon, to give it just that. I curl up with tea, and TV, and wait. Sometimes I have to wait quite awhile. Sometimes I catch it early enough that the day is not entirely lost. Most times, there is not much I can do. By the end of particularly bad days, I am ready to cry with the uselessness of myself, and sometimes, I do. "This, too, shall pass." Then a good day comes again, often several in a row if a storm system isn't coming on, or I haven't taken a tumble on the stairs and injured myself (again), or some family member doesn't need me for something. Just life, you know?

In an effort to feel more direction in my life, I recently began studying faith. Well, let me back up. I'm a Mormon, a Christian, and the first value I am studying as I go through our Young Women Personal Progress Program is faith.

The title page has the word 'faith' in beautiful script at the top, followed by a scripture and a very beautiful picture of the Savior. The scripture reads:

Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true (Alma 32:21).

I ponder this scripture for a moment. My mind jumps to the question, what are the things I would hope for in my life that are not presently seen? (And which are true, which I take to mean in the realm of possibility and aligned with God's will).

There are the obvious things. To make more money so that I can help my kids with college and take them to see wonderful places in the world. I would also feel very happy to give more to charitable institutions. There are hopes and personal dreams I have of becoming that are too private to list here, at least, for the moment. I have hope of better health. I have hope of continued improvement in my relationships, not least of all my relationship with myself. I have hope of being more organized, and tackling AND completing a few projects which have plagued me long enough. (Though keeping my bathroom clean isn't one of them. I have that one down, thank you very much! See, anything can happen!)

I have hope for my children, and my unborn grandchildren, waiting for their turn on earth. I have hope they will experience great joy and purpose in their lives. I have hope for healing where it is needed, across generations and time. I know this kind of healing is possible and true.