Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Anger

I have been reading David McCullough's biography of John Adams. Today John Adams died ... and I felt sad. Actually, I have felt very sad for several days now, so I can't rightly attribute my sadness to Presidents Adams's passing.

I can, however, attribute it to anger. I do not know if my anger is justified or not, but regardless, I believe I have anger that comes from "feeling guilty. Guilt, both earned and unearned, easily converts into anger ... and sadly, [I] have no place to go with all that anger" (Beattie, p. 155).

I humbly admit that I am not very good at dealing appropriately and immediately with anger. I grew up with and so subconsciously subscribe to several myths concerning anger, such as (1) good, nice people don't feel angry, or (2) anger is a sinful emotion, and (my personal favorite): it's okay to feel angry only when we can justify our feelings. (No judgment present in that statement!)

So, I turn my guilt and anger inward and stew and before I know it, I am feeling extremely sad. What do I have to feel guilty about, you may ask? I feel guilty for feeling angry! Hmmm ... which came first, the chicken or the egg? Don't ask. You might make me angry ... or sad. Take your pick.

But I am told, that as I work through these emotional adventures -- and believe me, it can be WORK!! -- that feeling angry is normal and okay and that I may even feel angry for some time before I feel better. Oh, joy!