I knew the storm was coming. Not for the usual reason - my body going into a sure, slow nosedive - though there was a bit of that sensation as well. This time, husband informed me before it arrived, as we discussed the weather in Salt Lake City vs. Laguna, California, where I had just been vacationing with my youngest son.
I had been out running errands and to the gym. I knew as the flakes continued falling that all I would be getting at Costco was gas. Time to head home before the storm, before the traffic, before dinner time.
No one is home as I slide open our back door. My body relaxes. I don't know why I love coming home to an empty house. Maybe it has something to do with so many years of a full house and feeling overly responsible for everything and everyone in it. Don't get me wrong, I loved hearing the sounds of children as mine were growing up. I realize in hindsight that I didn't have to make or take things as seriously as I did. But anyhow, I appreciate this season in my life where the demands have relaxed, at least for now. And I'll take responsibility for that frame of mind, as well ;-).
Hmmm, what to do first. Laundry, that is always good to start with. Love the smell of the fabric softener (lavender), and I take an extra whiff as I pour it into the dispenser. Then, the feel of warm towels fresh from the dryer. I fold them happily as I chat on the phone with darling daughter for a few.
What next? Not sure what time the hubs will be home, so I decide to straighten up a few hot spots. Christmas cards? Removed and recycled. I decide to save a few with pics of my extended family, family I am lucky to see every 3-4 years. I tape these cards to the fridge. I save one from a friend - a new friend, one I have made this year. The handwritten note on the back makes me smile. I decide to use it as a bookmark. Incoming mail? My, when did that basket get so full?! Okay, we'll deal with that a little at a time. No need to knock myself out here. Cleaning house should feel, well ... cleansing! And it does.
Though the Christmas cards are purged, I decide to leave up our Christmas wreath which hangs above our front hall table. It's probably a fire hazard by now, but as it is nowhere near a fireplace or heat source, I decide to spare it's life for a few more days.
I light a candle and fix myself some hot cocoa. The candle is one I received for Christmas, rosemary eucalyptus scent. It reminds me of the pleasant afternoon darling son and I spent just a few weeks ago, picking out a candle for his girlfriend's Christmas present. He liked this same scent, but chose a more expensive one for his gal. Darling husband went back that afternoon, just before Christmas Eve, and bought me this one. It's fragrance dovetails nicely with the lavender.
What else might I do so the home will seem more pleasant before darling husband gets home from work? Dinner for him is taken care of. I notice the piles on the living room coffee table. I'll get to that. First, to continue with the fragrant adventures. I decide to sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Rosemary scented cleaner for that job. It has a bit of bite to it that tickles the senses but doesn't overwhelm. The chore is done in about five minutes or so. I even take the time to scrub a few stubborn spots.
I continue with taking out the recycling. The trash and recycling cans are on the other side of the carport of the rental we currently live in, so I have to go outside and walk up the drive to do this. I slide open the door, and fresh, cold, clean air flushes my cheeks. Drifts of freshly fallen snow, soft and deep, surround our patio. I am surprised and delighted by the sensation of newness that accompanies the falling snowflakes.
Wonder presents itself. It's a pleasant feeling.
Careful of my inherently weak joints, I set down the two bags of paper to be recycled and begin shoveling a very narrow path to the drive. Only eight feet or so long. I try not to injure myself - I rarely know for sure in the moment if I am doing so with tasks like this, so I tend to leave them to someone else - but I am careful and think I am okay.
My, but the snow and air and night sky are beautiful. I can see the city lights below to one side, softly lit, making them look further away than they are. Everything off in the valley seems ... surreal.
Everything close to me is soft and fresh at the same time.
I breathe in as I walk to and from the recycling bin. I marvel at the beauty around me. I carefully make my way back to the house. And I realize that in these simple things, there is great peace. God feels near.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
New Year's Day Musings for 2013
It's that time. A time of reflection. A time of setting goals. New Year's Resolutions, we call them.
I like to think instead in terms of establishing habits. Not that I don't find goals extremely useful. But habits, to me, establish a way of being. I think these quotes will be far more eloquent than I could ever be in describing the process I mean:
1. Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do. -Shaquille ONeal
2. First we make our habits, then our habits make us. -Charles C. Noble5.
3. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit ... Quality is not an act, it is a habit. -Aristotle
4. Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going. -Jim Rohn
I like all of these quotes for different reasons. But at the heart of each is the symbiotic relationship between being and doing. What we do shapes us - our being - just as the desire to be something can shape our actions - the doing.
This past year, I had the opportunity to share a week with a dear, life-long friend. The kind of friend that during conversations the synapses in the brain can hardly keep up with the pace of the ideas. Well, he brought a wonderful notion to my attention. He said, "Ponder the sentence, 'I choose to be effective at (fill in the blank.)'" Wow. I was hooked.
Then he moved to the question of, IF I am effective at (fill in the blank), what is in the room with me?
Metaphorical to be sure, but then, that is how I roll much of the time. I wear my English minor proudly ;-). Basically, it means, how would I think, feel, and do?
I pondered these questions more deeply while flying home from that trip. It was nice to pull out my little purse-sized notebook and let the thoughts just come. I'd like to share a bit of what I wrote, by way of example, for how this process might look. If it sounds a bit, well, metaphorical. Or esoteric. I can be guilty of both.
Phase One: "I choose to be effective at ______." Hmmm, what did I wish to be effective at? What did I want more of in my life? To greet each day new, without being weighed down by the past, a lifetime of memories crowding in on me, threatening to intrude. To greet relationships in the same way.
I wanted to be more effective at staying in the moment. No, I wanted to be more effective at trusting the moment. Allowing time for feasting on each precious second, and allowing for play. Doing more with friends and family.
Being myself without judging myself. Trusting myself to know when judgment is necessary and useful.
"I choose to be effective at" acting in and from the repository of everyone's goodness, including my own. (Already I could see myself getting outside myself more with this one ...) I desired the freedom to speak my truth, speaking as I chose. Not being pulled back into a lifetime of ways of being that were less than effective. Less than effective than what? I wasn't sure. Remember, this was all stream of consciousness. The flow continued.
Not being less than. No one being less than.
Using my boldness to connect and uplift. No fear.
"I choose to be effective at" ... not caring what other people think.
Bam. That was it. That was the phrase I wanted to work with.
Phase Two: If I felt effective at not caring what other people thought of me, then what was in the room with me?
Laughter. Music. Silence.
Banter. Fewer boundaries, because I don't need them. (Oh, wow, that last one hit me like a ton of bricks. As a recovering codependent, I've been counseled the importance of boundaries. But somehow, these boundaries were of a different color.)
What else was in the room with me?
Me.
Enough.
Others doing. Me asking. Me listening.
Being okay with being separate from others, but still interactive.
Free gifts being given, such as spontaneity, hugs, touching. And on and on ...
So, I return to the beginning. This notion of ways of being and habits. I'd like to practice this habitual thought pattern, "I choose to be effective at (fill in the blank)." My guess is the 'fill in the blank' will change over time. I would expect it to, as one grows and needs change. That's okay.
But for January, I will choose something. It may be a way of being, a feeling, perhaps even desiring to be a certain way with a certain person. Going off of my last post, it could even be, "I choose to be effective at waking each day full of faith." I am not worried about how to accomplish the goal. Just having the thought will lead me to desired core feelings (Danielle LaPorte) and the actions necessary to get there. "What is in the room with me?" Ah, what feeling and actions today will demonstrate my faith in God, my faith in my fellow man, my faith in myself? Keep it simple. Remember habits of being need time. They are flexible. They are suited to the individual.
And they can change us. Ah, just think what an adventure that would be.
I like to think instead in terms of establishing habits. Not that I don't find goals extremely useful. But habits, to me, establish a way of being. I think these quotes will be far more eloquent than I could ever be in describing the process I mean:
1. Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do. -Shaquille ONeal
2. First we make our habits, then our habits make us. -Charles C. Noble5.
3. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit ... Quality is not an act, it is a habit. -Aristotle
4. Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going. -Jim Rohn
I like all of these quotes for different reasons. But at the heart of each is the symbiotic relationship between being and doing. What we do shapes us - our being - just as the desire to be something can shape our actions - the doing.
This past year, I had the opportunity to share a week with a dear, life-long friend. The kind of friend that during conversations the synapses in the brain can hardly keep up with the pace of the ideas. Well, he brought a wonderful notion to my attention. He said, "Ponder the sentence, 'I choose to be effective at (fill in the blank.)'" Wow. I was hooked.
Then he moved to the question of, IF I am effective at (fill in the blank), what is in the room with me?
Metaphorical to be sure, but then, that is how I roll much of the time. I wear my English minor proudly ;-). Basically, it means, how would I think, feel, and do?
I pondered these questions more deeply while flying home from that trip. It was nice to pull out my little purse-sized notebook and let the thoughts just come. I'd like to share a bit of what I wrote, by way of example, for how this process might look. If it sounds a bit, well, metaphorical. Or esoteric. I can be guilty of both.
Phase One: "I choose to be effective at ______." Hmmm, what did I wish to be effective at? What did I want more of in my life? To greet each day new, without being weighed down by the past, a lifetime of memories crowding in on me, threatening to intrude. To greet relationships in the same way.
I wanted to be more effective at staying in the moment. No, I wanted to be more effective at trusting the moment. Allowing time for feasting on each precious second, and allowing for play. Doing more with friends and family.
Being myself without judging myself. Trusting myself to know when judgment is necessary and useful.
"I choose to be effective at" acting in and from the repository of everyone's goodness, including my own. (Already I could see myself getting outside myself more with this one ...) I desired the freedom to speak my truth, speaking as I chose. Not being pulled back into a lifetime of ways of being that were less than effective. Less than effective than what? I wasn't sure. Remember, this was all stream of consciousness. The flow continued.
Not being less than. No one being less than.
Using my boldness to connect and uplift. No fear.
"I choose to be effective at" ... not caring what other people think.
Bam. That was it. That was the phrase I wanted to work with.
Phase Two: If I felt effective at not caring what other people thought of me, then what was in the room with me?
Laughter. Music. Silence.
Banter. Fewer boundaries, because I don't need them. (Oh, wow, that last one hit me like a ton of bricks. As a recovering codependent, I've been counseled the importance of boundaries. But somehow, these boundaries were of a different color.)
What else was in the room with me?
Me.
Enough.
Others doing. Me asking. Me listening.
Being okay with being separate from others, but still interactive.
Free gifts being given, such as spontaneity, hugs, touching. And on and on ...
So, I return to the beginning. This notion of ways of being and habits. I'd like to practice this habitual thought pattern, "I choose to be effective at (fill in the blank)." My guess is the 'fill in the blank' will change over time. I would expect it to, as one grows and needs change. That's okay.
But for January, I will choose something. It may be a way of being, a feeling, perhaps even desiring to be a certain way with a certain person. Going off of my last post, it could even be, "I choose to be effective at waking each day full of faith." I am not worried about how to accomplish the goal. Just having the thought will lead me to desired core feelings (Danielle LaPorte) and the actions necessary to get there. "What is in the room with me?" Ah, what feeling and actions today will demonstrate my faith in God, my faith in my fellow man, my faith in myself? Keep it simple. Remember habits of being need time. They are flexible. They are suited to the individual.
And they can change us. Ah, just think what an adventure that would be.
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