Friday, October 30, 2009

Payback

I sooo wanted to leave this entry up on facebook today, but out of deference to DH, I didn't. (And I completely understand his desire for privacy!) So I am posting it here:

Okay, this is TOO GOOD not to share ... Darling husband just backed up his fairly brand new car into my car on his way out of our driveway. And he has a rear-view camera and everything. I can't stop laughing about it! So glad it was him and not me ... Go Hubby!

This entry would have been especially sweet because earlier this summer, when I put the teeniest, tiniest, itsby, bitsy scratch on the bumper of said new car, DH said, "I knew something like that would happen" (implied: when I was using the car, not him). I think he also said something else to me at the time, and I quote: "But it was so preventable." Yeah, I would also make sure and get that part into the post, don't you think?

This morning, when I heard the ominous crunch outside our living room window, I went outside to survey the damage. My DH stood there, dejectedly holding the bumper of his almost brand new car in his hand. And what did I do? I hugged him.

Am I the greatest wife ever, or what?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Brrrr!!!!!

From my facebook status: Okay, I want to know who ordered the snow this morning, WHO?? Not before Halloween, folks, NOT BEFORE HALLOWEEN!!!

Seriously, I woke up this morning, saw the snow, and put on a Hawaiian print shirt (my swimsuit cover-up that I bought in Hawaii no less) as an act of rebellion. I'm wearing it ALL DAY, and maybe even tomorrow if the snow doesn't melt by then.

Monday, October 26, 2009

My almost ideal life

The last ten years are a blur. I believe I am ready to retire.

I finally got back in the pool today. It felt so good to move in the water, and I thought, "I was meant to move." I'm happy when I'm dancing, or hiking, or dancing, or going to the gym, or dancing. The only non-moving activity that even comes close to such bliss is singing. And when I do that, I'm moving my mouth, so what does that say?

So, where was I going with this? Oh, yeah, movement. I realized today while working out in the pool that it has been ten years since I retired from teaching fitness classes. And I must admit, I miss it at times. I miss the movement, the music, feeling my muscles work and stretch and all that good stuff that must set off some chemical reaction in me that I enjoy it the way I do.

I also miss having feet that work, but I'll save that for another day. (Scroll back to post regarding almost dying during bunion surgery.)

I think I'd like to retire to a country with dancing, like some place in Mexico or South America where the locals can teach me salsa and I would go swimming every day and dancing every night. Oh, and if I got to sing occasionally with the band, then that would be almost heaven to me.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

I could have danced all night ...

Okay, not really, I am, after all, 45 years old ... but I did dance off and on for about three hours last night, and it was SHEER HEAVEN. I just want to say a personal thank you to all the men there at the social who stuck with the ballroom dance classes, learned the rhythms and the steps, so that I could benefit. I felt almost 19 again.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

just thinking

Wholeness does not mean perfection: it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life.
Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness

I'm not sure I always recognize brokenness for what it is, but I know what it feels like. Used to be I couldn't always recognize when something in my life was out of sorts or a situation or relationship was in a broken phase. By broken, I mean when our souls are acting out of harmony with who we really are or would like to be, no matter what is going on around us. Usually I don't recognize the dissonance until the moment is over, but lately, I've been recognizing it a lot faster, sometimes even in the moment. Is this what is meant by being present? Perhaps.

It's difficult to build this kind of integrity. It means saying 'yes' to things that are life-giving in my life. One would think that is the easy part, but it takes a certain courage to acknowledge one's gifts, develop them and create opportunities to use them. It also takes discipline. But building integrity also means saying no to things or situations or even people that do not support my soul in its entirety. It's especially difficult to let go of a friendship that feeds your soul on one level, but the overall cost is too high. Something inside you suffers, and you know this, and you try to ignore it for as long as you can, but it's really doing no one any good to continue to live in such a divided state.

I pay a steep price when I live a divided life - feeling fraudulent, anxious about being found out, and depressed by the fact that I am denying my own self-hood. The people around me pay a price as well, for now they walk on ground made unstable by my dividedness. How can I affirm another's identity when I deny my own? How can I trust another's integrity when I defy my own? A fault line runs down the middle of my life, and whenever it cracks open - divorcing my words and actions from the truth I hold within - things get shaky and start to fall apart.

What does it mean to embrace the brokenness? Again, I'm still working with this one, but I think it means to look life in the face, to not run or be afraid, and then learn from it to guide oneself, and to possibly guide others. What gives me the courage to do so? Realizing I, and others, are worth it.