Morning

Today is off the cuff. Today is unedited. Like so many of my days lately, it seems ...

I awake each morning, in more of a fog than I experienced a year ago. Or maybe it's because I'm in a new bed, sleeping with DH again. His bed is not nearly as comfortable as the double in the other room. Silly bed - we bought it to help sell our old home. It will go in the guest bedroom in the new place.

I lay there, trying to decide whether to slip back into sleep (I'm talented at that, especially anytime after 9 in the morning ...), or to get up. I decide to let my body relax, then make the decision. Hubs is getting ready to go to a work party with my son. He is always so patient with me in the mornings. We both struggle with sleep, he gets it. I am patient with him as well.

I feel my lips relax first. Over the past few days, I've been doing my TMJ exercises again, clucking my tongue whenever I think about it, and it seems to be helping. I can feel the confusion in the muscles as they search to find a new normal.

I consciously seek for the same feeling in my limbs. Just let it all go. Enjoy that relaxed feeling, even for a moment ... feel it, memorize it, it's what you're going for. The body will get there, if you are consistent with your exercises, I tell myself.

I feel I live half a life. Some nights I fall asleep by midnight, other nights, like last night, it's easily 4 or 5 a.m.. Very little rhyme or rhythm. I wonder if my body is only mirroring the way I run my days. Would things change if I showered first, no matter how I was feeling? Turned off all electronics by 9 p.m.? The beginning and end of days can set the tone, I know. But I'm not sure ... I feel my body is more in control of my schedule than I am. Silly body.

I remember my aunt, who also struggles with health issues. She says she has been getting up and vocalizing her blessings upon arising, out loud, even the simplest things. Because some days, even accomplishing simple things is a tremendous blessing. I think of our dear neighbor, who recently lost half his foot in a motorcycle accident. Truly, I have much to be grateful for. Though I've said this before - Suffering is not a contest.

I want to respond to my trials in an honourable way. I want to serve, and some days, like my aunt, I remind myself out loud how the various acts I do can be considered service, both for myself and others.

Could I seek the Lord's will more fully? Yes, the voice whispers. Be ready for the day, however you can. Then see where it takes you. I will lead you, will you follow?

One day at a time.