Happy Birthday, brother. Hard to believe you would have been 51 today, but then, it's hard for me to sometimes believe I am 45! On a good day, I still feel at most 35 or so ...
It's easy to remember your birthday, given that it's the day after Halloween. But you know, I never really appreciated you while you were alive. I think I was beginning to shortly before you were taken. When the kids were small, I was always so busy with their care, and I was more than a little critical at times of all the drama in your life. But you loved me anyway.
I will always treasure the time we had in Austin. One time that especially sticks out in my mind was when we were walking to pick up the van at the shop -- it had needed new tires, I believe. You inherited 'the purple dinosaur,' and you were so excited to take it back to Florida and share it with your boys, though I don't think it lasted much longer than the drive back before it needed repairs!
The other remembrance that was and still is especially precious to me is our all night gab fest. We were staying in K's guest room, you in one twin bed, me in the other, and we stayed up until at least 2 a.m. talking and giggling like school girls. I hadn't laughed so hard in a long, long time. And we just went on and on! Good times, that one.
There are other memories of course. Every time I visit Angel's Landing, and have to stop at Scout's Look-Out because of my fear of heights, I remember that the only time I could do that hike all the way and feel brave about it was when I was with you. If you were still here, I would hike that baby again in a minute. You always made me feel safe, big brother. I hope you like it that I scattered your ashes at Scout's Look-Out. It seemed fitting, and now whenever I return, the hold of that peaceful spot will be just that much stronger for me.
You taught me a lot about loyalty. I've never seen such a devoted dad. I get to see your boys quite often, and I know you would be very, very proud of them. They are smart, good boys. But I also know they miss you. So I try to talk about you as often as I can with them, because both you and I know what it's like to grow up hungry for a connection with someone you loved, who is such a part of you, who is gone.
Happy birthday, brother. Oh, and happy halloween, too. I miss you. Love, your sis
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